since i am now a college student *coughcough* gosh it is awkward just to admit that, anyway yup. my life is no longer the typical stf life which somehow really miss. i miss my friends, my teachers, my teammates and just everything i had left behind and could never get now. everyday it is just another marathon to continue doing what i do in kyuem and just leave the things that i have done in stf. it is so different here compared to stf, well the obvious different would be now i have boys in my school. which i personally think it sucks. not that I'm being sexist here, it is just that gosh i have to change so much!
1. i have to iron my clothes and my tudung everyday. i mean who does that? i never ironed anything in stf and now the sudden shift! it is really killing me.
2. i cannot shout and scream whenever i want. i mean all girls school is such a blessing, now all i got is BOUNDARY -..-
3. i cannot wear my pajamas pants to the library. i have to wear slacks, all the time, sometimes jeans. and worse, even at night -..-
4. u cannot bring food to anywhere. classes, meetings, and worst, LIBRARY. OH HOW I MISS GENG LIBRARY hiihi :D
5. and i miss my friends too badly. it is torture.
well, that's half of it. but mostly i feel really blessed being here, i know how lucky i am to have come so far and have this wonderful opportunity to be with all these amazing people who will go to cambridge or oxford or whatever universities that me myself are afraid to mention because it seemed to waayyyyyyy far from me. i never imagined myself to be this girl who one day, insyaAllah with much hardwork, determination and do a , will be one of those people who i admired and want to be when i'm older.
at first, for me personally, it was really hard coping with everything. it was to overwhelming, the school, the people, the friends, khazanah, the a stars we have to get, the people who had done it and been there before us and actually made it, and the universities that we have to go. it was too overwhelming, and definitely to scary. i was not this girl u know, with confidence and think that she could do everything. i was scared of not making it, and i really didn't know what did i do to make me deserve all this wonderful things.
and how stupid i was right that i totally forgot my purpose here in ky, and how and what did i do to make me strong enough to go through spm, this is now just another possible obstacle. i challenged myself, when i was 16, and i didn't listen to the nay sayers saying that this was hard and that was hard because i haven't try them yet. i could be better than that, so i thought. and i missed that part of me somehow in the whole overwhelming situation.
some of my juniors asked me, how did i study? what did i do to get good marks in exams and all. i burst into laughters hehe. i hope i am not some kind of role model to any of them now because trust me, never be like me. don't even think about it hehe :D however, i have a simple advice to them how had asked, an advice to me too. failure is not about getting a B in maths, but it is about being afraid to get an A. i hope i am not being too secretive in the phrase that i wrote myself after thinking about it for almost a day hehe. i mean it is very simply actually, just go for it and to believe that u can do it is enough.
'sesungguhnya di samping kesukaran ada kemudahan. dan sesungguhnya di samping kesukaran ada kemudahan'. surah al insyirah
this surah brought me back every time, without fail. how Allah care for our beloved prophet ( btw salam maulidur rasul), and when this is stated in the holy quran, these are not just mere words my dear. this is a promise, a promise from ALLAH, and He never breaks promises.
just a new photo of a college student hihi. ignore the faces people :)
